It was the lying that troubled me most. I admitted to my wife early on that I had a problem with the TV sometimes, and the computer. She knew I had a weakness and she preferred not to talk about it. Sometimes I would lie to her that I wasn’t viewing pornography when in fact I had. I didn’t want to hurt her. But yes, I lied.
That bothered me. In other areas of my life, I tried to be scrupulously honest. I even avoided exaggerating. So this blotted my conscience. Was I really saved? I had an inner assurance of salvation and the Presence of the Holy Spirit most of the time. And God used me in various ways. But liars finish up in the Lake of Fire.
Shameful vices make us hide. They breed deceit.
I didn’t know where I really stood with God. We could have an interesting theological discussion about it. All I knew was, I had to do something. But what?