The school nurse took liberties.
I had eczema from birth, and it affected me throughout childhood. At the age of about twelve, in secondary school, I had an appointment to see the school nurse. The subject of eczema came up and she asked to examine me. I’m not quite sure why this was an issue for the school nurse, as the family doctor was already prescribing treatments. I explained to her that the eczema was around my hands and legs. She said to me, “Take your things off”. I remember the specific words. I was now confused, and too shy to ask what she meant. Did she want me to strip completely naked, or just partially? In the event, I stripped as far as my underpants. Her examination consisted in her running her hands in a circular motion from my tummy downwards towards my private parts. Although she stopped short of touching my genitals, she went far enough down for me to think she had gone far too far. Why did she even need to examine me like this?
I never told anyone about this until my counselling session. I subsequently told my wife who had been a professional nurse. She said that the school nurse was definitely behaving inappropriately.
To this day, I don’t know whether this affected me in any way or not. But it was one of the humiliating experiences that happened to me at that stage in my life.
I want to say something about the counseling I received. It is one of the reasons this blog is anonymous – it’s not just myself I want to avoid embarrassing.
The weekend retreat consisted of a combination of teaching, along with some worship, and personal counseling sessions. The counseling sessions are, of course, a key part of the process. If necessary, several hours can be spent in counseling, and it is a thorough process.
A team of people, made up of an experienced counsellor and two ‘trainees’ spent several sessions with me. From an early stage, we focused on a particular period of my life between the ages of 10 and 13. During those years, things happened in my life covering three areas:
1. I developed an interest in the occult
2. I found a pornographic magazine and stole it
3. I had some humiliating experiences
The thing that leaves the strongest impression on me was how they highlighted the humiliating experiences I had. I am going to mention three of the four we discussed. We will begin with something that happened at school.
1. My teacher humiliated me
When I was eleven years old, in my final year of Primary School, I was a very sensitive child. And I didn’t get on well with my teacher, Mrs P. I don’t know why that was. But I would cry very easily. This was very embarrassing and I had a reputation at school as someone who would burst into tears easily when, for example, I was told off by the teacher. I have had this in my memory every since. It was not a pleasant period in my life. Under counselling, one particularly embarrassing experience came to mind. There were two classes in our year and for some reason, Mrs P was taking both classes at the same time. There were therefore people there who didn’t know me that well. There are details I can’t remember. What I do remember is that she warned me to do something very loudly in front of everybody. It’s just the last eight words I recall now. “Whether you cry or whether you don’t cry”. She slammed her hand on my desk while she was saying it. The very thing I was embarrassed about was laid before everybody else publicly.
It was a humiliating experience, and I hadn’t recalled it for many years until the counseling session
Time to give them a shot! Ellel do ‘Healing Retreats’. They’re free provided you can get there.
I got some information and discovered you have to ring them to apply for a healing retreat. This was tricky in a way. Was some receptionist going to ask me personal questions? I rang anyway. She didn’t. But I have to complete some details on a form and there were some searching questions. There is a waiting list of several months for healing retreats, unless you can get in through a cancellation.
I waited, prepared to wait about 5 or 6 months. Sooner than I expected, they rang me inviting me to a weekend, much earlier than I was due to go. They had had a cancellation! In the days leading up, I spent some time seeking God’s guidance, asking the Holy Spirit to show me areas of trauma and unforgiveness from the past. Whenever something came to mind, I simply brought it openly before the Lord, asking for His release. And a few things did come to mind.