Counseling. Humiliated at school

I want to say something about the counseling I received.  It is one of the reasons this blog is anonymous – it’s not just myself I want to avoid embarrassing.

The weekend retreat consisted of a combination of teaching, along with some worship, and personal counseling sessions. The counseling sessions are, of course, a key part of the process.  If necessary, several hours can be spent in counseling, and it is a thorough process.

A team of people, made up of an experienced counsellor and two ‘trainees’ spent several sessions with me.  From an early stage, we focused on a particular period of my life between the ages of 10 and 13. During those years, things happened in my life covering three areas:

1. I developed an interest in the occult
2. I found a pornographic magazine and stole it
3. I had some humiliating experiences

The thing that leaves the strongest impression on me was how they highlighted the humiliating experiences I had.  I am going to mention three of the four we discussed.  We will begin with something that happened at school.

1. My teacher humiliated me

When I was eleven years old, in my final year of Primary School, I was a very sensitive child.  And I didn’t get on well with my teacher, Mrs P.  I don’t know why that was.  But I would cry very easily.  This was very embarrassing and I had a reputation at school as someone who would burst into tears easily when, for example, I was told off by the teacher.  I have had this in my memory every since.  It was not a pleasant period in my life. Under counselling, one particularly embarrassing experience came to mind.  There were two classes in our year and for some reason, Mrs P was taking both classes at the same time.  There were therefore people there who didn’t know me that well.  There are details I can’t remember. What I do remember is that she warned me to do something very loudly in front of everybody. It’s just the last eight words I recall now.  “Whether you cry or whether you don’t cry”.  She slammed her hand on my desk while she was saying it.  The very thing I was embarrassed about was laid before everybody else publicly.

It was a humiliating experience, and I hadn’t recalled it for many years until the counseling session

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