I want to say something about the counseling I received. It is one of the reasons this blog is anonymous – it’s not just myself I want to avoid embarrassing.
The weekend retreat consisted of a combination of teaching, along with some worship, and personal counseling sessions. The counseling sessions are, of course, a key part of the process. If necessary, several hours can be spent in counseling, and it is a thorough process.
A team of people, made up of an experienced counsellor and two ‘trainees’ spent several sessions with me. From an early stage, we focused on a particular period of my life between the ages of 10 and 13. During those years, things happened in my life covering three areas:
1. I developed an interest in the occult
2. I found a pornographic magazine and stole it
3. I had some humiliating experiences
The thing that leaves the strongest impression on me was how they highlighted the humiliating experiences I had. I am going to mention three of the four we discussed. We will begin with something that happened at school.
1. My teacher humiliated me
When I was eleven years old, in my final year of Primary School, I was a very sensitive child. And I didn’t get on well with my teacher, Mrs P. I don’t know why that was. But I would cry very easily. This was very embarrassing and I had a reputation at school as someone who would burst into tears easily when, for example, I was told off by the teacher. I have had this in my memory every since. It was not a pleasant period in my life. Under counselling, one particularly embarrassing experience came to mind. There were two classes in our year and for some reason, Mrs P was taking both classes at the same time. There were therefore people there who didn’t know me that well. There are details I can’t remember. What I do remember is that she warned me to do something very loudly in front of everybody. It’s just the last eight words I recall now. “Whether you cry or whether you don’t cry”. She slammed her hand on my desk while she was saying it. The very thing I was embarrassed about was laid before everybody else publicly.
It was a humiliating experience, and I hadn’t recalled it for many years until the counseling session